ONE LINERS SMS
If you never want to see a man again, say: I love you,
I want to marry you, I want to have children - they leave skid marks.
Yeah, my husband and I just split up. I finally faced
the fact that we're incompatible. I'm a Virgo and he's an a@@hole.
Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home& devil
in bed. But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home& economist in Bed.
Santa declares: I'll never marry in my life and I'll give
same advice to my children also.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how
dogs spend their lives.
I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested
in, she said: Check books.
The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new
car.
What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs
don't turn into men when they drink.
My wife thinks "freedom of the press" means no-iron clothes.
When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's
called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called
an election.
Wife's definition of retirement: Twice as much husband on half as much pay.
Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full
minute and then expects your pulse to be normal.
It isn't widely known, but the first toilet seat was invented by an Irish scientist
in the 18th century, the invention was later modified by an English inventor
who put a hole in the seat.
There is a sign in the toilet of the Sex Change Clinic.
It reads "We may never piss this way again."
Santa always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just in case someone
wants their coffee black.
Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking,
he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
Q: Why dogs don't marry? A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
Two old ladies were attending a rather long church service.
One leaned over & whispered: My butt is going to sleep. 'I know,' replied
the other, 'I heard it snore three times.'
Q: What's the diff between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings into the world crying & the other ensures you continue
to do so.
There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her
so much that he would go thru hell for her. They got married and now he is going
thru hell.
A man is in the hospital after getting drunk and swallowing 120 coins on a bet.
Doctors monitoring his situation say, so far, no change.
An application for job came in with an applicant's picture
attached. She was a pretty blonde. On the back of the picture was hand written:
"Picture on front".
Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it
to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
At weddings old aunts used 2 tease me saying: You are
next, you are next. But they stopped it since I started doing the same
to them at funerals!
